English самоучка (видео-курс)

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Пример моей работы
Участвую в клубе креативного письма. Один из редких мотиваторов взяться за перо, ибо пишу я очень редко.
С помощью словаря и ресурсов, указанных в курсе.
Но тем не менее мне нравится. Раньше я бы так не написал. Хотя нигде не учился. Только самостоятельное обучение.


"My dad gave me three life rules to live by:
1. Never ask anybody for the tiniest favor.
2. Always wake up before dawn. Blessing is in the morning.
3. Be nice to your stubborn wifey, never let her go, put up with her bad behavior for at least 10 years, only then do you become truly virtuous.

The first two were easy, but the third one proved difficult, all because of a cheeseburger. Let me explain." (by Hodja Nasreddin)

10 days before our 10th anniversary on Friday khutba, I heard some awe-inspiring advice. It was said that we should praise our wives’ cooking regardless of whether you enjoy it or not, whether it's salty, bitter, tough or perfectly fine. Having spent so many hours around the stove itself deserves some form of appreciation.

When I came home, my wife served me with an irresistibly attractive cheeseburger, which was quite ironic, taking into account she’s fond of hamburgers (quite tough and hardly edible, I have to admit) and never had anything else for dinner. I took it as a sign from above without a minute’s hesitation.

Before I even took the first bite, insidious and subtle forms of compliments started filling the room. I dived into the action phase trying hard to impress my poor wife who's never heard a kind word on her “extraordinary” cooking abilities. Every single detail was mentioned, every slightest effort was approved, every significant (date-wise, of course) meal was recalled, as though I wished to make up for years of neglect. My public speaking classes came in handy, which made me proud of myself even more. Results were not long in coming. My lovely spouse started to cry, from happiness, supposedly. The more nice words I threw, fully exploiting my potential, the more fiercely and louder she cried until she burst into tears in complete despair. That’s when I realized that something went wrong.

Well, after the 2-hour interrogation, I was able to find out what a terrible mistake had really happened. My impeccable image was irreparably damaged. It turned out that the miserable cheeseburger was brought to us by our neighbor, KaFiSa, a much more devoted cook, the very same day I got to straighten out things with my family. Needless to say, such an opportune moment I chose.

The harsh sentence was imposed. A divorce was her only demand, forcing me to violate the words given by my father, which was absolutely not an option. More likely, It was time for drastic measures. I left a wholehearted note full of remorse and made my way into the desert. With no food, no water, not any other sources of livelihood.

On the 5th day of my miserable existence in the middle of nowhere, when my life hung by a thread, I saw the miracle on the horizon in the form of my lovely wife. With royal care, I was rescued and delivered to my old couch.

All the charges dropped, and I was entirely forgiven. With my incredible rescuing, I was obliged to the fact that KaFiSa got this recipe from nobody, but my sweet missus 12 years ago, who, in turn, inherited it from her mother, though adding some minor yet crucial secret modifications. So she solely contributed to this culinary masterpiece, and KaFiSa's cooking skills have nothing to do with that. It’s not that bad of an outcome, is it? As for dinner, we still have hamburgers exclusively, though...

 

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В подписи

 

В подпись поставил.

@Григорий-Азиз интересно узнать твое мнение, помогает ли знание английского в изучении испанского?

 

Помогает немного. Есть ряд слов общих. Потом ты знаешь удобные инструменты уже. Ну и уверенности чуть добавляет.

 

В подписи.

 

В подписи.

 

Вот этот пункт особенно интересует. Времени капец как нет, а жизнь постоянно "намекает" что английский надо бы знать.
Но выделить на него достаточно времени никак.
Я надеюсь у вас этот модуль не состоит из банальных советов типо перевести комп/смартфон на английский, поставить приложеньку со словами и играться ей в очереди например и т.д. ?

 

Состоит Эти и другие банальные советы позволяют нехило набирать в течении дня. Утром, пока чистишь зубы, в транспорте, за едой, перед сном, даже в туалете) От часу до двух можно наскрябать. Главное, чтобы интересно было.
Я что-то вижу очень очень мало людей вокруг, кто бы этим советам следовал.

В курсе магии нет

 

Знаю, я должен доделывать курс. Но не смог удержаться от участия в Creative Writing.
История, как я застрял с Трампом в лифте. Вымышленная, конечно))

На экзамене с одной ручкой и бумагой я бы так не написал.
Но имея небольшой опыт, долю фантазии и инструменты из курса, можно выдавать такие перлы) Приятного чтения!

Спойлер: Однажды в Нью-Йорке [МНОГО БУКВ]

Disclaimer! Indecent and embarrassing content.

That summer, I was visiting a friend in New York City. Among others, Columbus Circle was one of the most astonishing places to hang out. We ended up going shopping in endless stores at Times Warner Center. Fifty five floors of light-hearted pleasure, killer deals, the sickest brands in the world are all beckoning you to splurge.

So I purchased a delightful brand-new leather... keychain. Well, it's New York, baby! Everything was hunky dory except for one thing - I badly wanted to use the bathroom. I wasn't sure whether it was after two litres of vanilla coke or after a tiny cup of white chocolate mocha. Wait, chocolate what? It's certainly the reason!

The idea of waiting in long lines during rush hour didn't appeal to me at all. I had to find a solution in the best tradition of Bondiana.

Instantly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a janitor rapidly heading to the service space. I tracked him down and entered the long white hall. It's all thanks to the poorly lubricated door closer and to the Usain-Bolt-in-retirement-like janitor. I turned to the right, then after a while, to the right again. I always try to do the right things in my life. Finally, I walked into the cramped room and the door slammed behind me with a click. Whoa, I was locked out. Now that metal knobless door across a room with a sigh of a stylish man on it was my only hope. I pushed the mysterious button on the wall and simultaneously felt a pretty heavy urge. I thought maybe it would be the VIP service afterall, rewarding my suffering.

Soon, a bell rang and the telescopic doors revealed a little miracle. In the luxurious Victorian room, which appeared to be an elevator car, there was a man who looked straight at me non-blinking. I almost did a backflip. I nearly lost my grip down there. The man with the exact look of Donald Trump whispered, "Eszopiclone. Side effects, huh?"

My mind was feverishly racing with what to do. Hold on! Trump International Hotel two minutes' walk from here, the VIP elevator, TV crews and press in the lobby. Now it made perfect sense to me. Here he was! Mr. Donald John Trump in the flesh. My legs instinctively carried me backwards until I ran into a cold metal wall. There was no turning back from that now. What did I have to lose? Reluctantly, I started taking unsteady baby steps towards the cabin, carefully monitoring Mr. President's reaction. Luckily, there were no signs of concern or wariness on his face. Well, honestly, he didn't show any sign, like I was nothing, which in my language simply meant. "Come here, boy, I don't mind. Let's take a ride in a race elevator together."

Without a word, I took a position in the far corner. Like a shy boy on a first date. The national leader pressed the top button, and we moved up. I looked around. The elevator was a masterpiece. A red carpet, gold-plated walls, huge mirrors in heavy frames, and the crystal chandelier. And how unbelievably smoothly it traveled!

Wait a minute! Were we even moving yet? Mr. Trump pressed the button several times. No response. But I am lying. There was a response. A loud bang hurt my ears, and the lights went out and then on again. Back-up systems were activated, which meant we were stuck.

The idea of sharing 6 square meters face to face with the leader of the free world was touching and fascinating. On the other hand, remember, I wore a time-water-bomb under my shirt, that could go off any minute. I already felt strong pressure in my bladder and figured I could make it for 5 minutes in the best case scenario.

In order to get my mind off the catastrophic situation I started talking. Non-stop!

"Good evening, Mr. President! How are you doing? I'm so surprised to see you here. I still can't believe it. Is it really you? Of course, it is. Who on earth could look more like you, than actual you? Nobody! I'm Gregory by the way. Nice to meet you. I'm from Russia. I know you might not like Russia that much, but... but... we love a lot of things about America. You see? Apple, I mean the company. YouTube, Google, Netflix. That's really really nice. I'm an English teacher, so to speak. I came here for English practice.

Can you imagine who my first speaking partner would be? No idea? That's you, Mr. President. What an honor! If you don't mind me asking, could you please tell me something? Just anything you wish. And it would be our first official conversation here in America."

"Nah. It talks."

"Bingo, we are actually speaking! I can't imagine. And speaking of Russia, the last time you were there, did you try Russian food? Oh, you would change your mind drastically about Russia. Pelmeni, blini, solyanka, borsch, Russian shchi. I know, it may be a nightmare to pronounce, but you'd love it, I guarantee. And olivier. Mmm, that's my favorite. All you need is peas, carrots, potatoes, don't forget about bologna..."

"Water!"

"Excuse me? Water? Hmm, as far as I know there is no… Hey, Mr. Trump, you look very tired. Please, take a seat." I took off my jacket and made a place for him. "Here. Get some rest. And you said water? Oh, water! My bad! I actually have one." I pulled out a bottle of Aqua Minerale. "Take it. No? Why not? Oh, do you think? Really? All right." I turned a cap and took a few sips.

"You see? That's perfectly fine!"

He finally took it and started drinking.

Well, I wasn't kissing up to anyone, all right? What's wrong with you? First of all, that's simple respect for elders. Second of all, it may serve a good cause for the whole nation. Wasn't it worth a little bother on my part?

"You feel better? Now, where was I? Oh, Russia. And again, we might not be the most developed country, but Russia supplies the world with incredible, thought-provoking novels. Dostoevsky, Gogol, Bulgakov, Turgenev, Pushkin. Do they sound familiar? 'War and Peace,' by Leo Tolstoy. Who hasn't heard about this one? Remember this?"

“Whatever question arose, a swarm of these drones, without having finished their buzzing on a previous theme, flew over to the new one and by their hum drowned and obscured ...”

Oh no! I barely held back a cry! Those sips were the last nail in my coffin. The time had come. A long day's worth of pee swept down toward the exit point. The situation required decisive action. The president was asleep and looked peaceful. I took the empty bottle from the floor, moved to the corner and... you know what.

Stop judging me. What else was I supposed to do? Wet my pants?

Anyway, during this process all New York's entertainment had faded away. Oh, unbearable pleasure! I hoped Mr. Trump wouldn't catch me doing this. It'd be a national embarrassment. Suddenly, the engine restarted, and the car shook harshly resulting in screech of metal. Damn!

"What the hell are you doing there?"

It was the worst. My world was shattered. My self-worth was in shambles. I was burning from the shame. I imagined the headlines. What did I do now?

"I... I... I just... it was so..." I mumbled.

"Forget it! Drain your swamp, and come here, boy. We have something tremendous to talk about."

What? Did I really just hear this? After a minute, we were thick as thieves.

"How did you do it, kid?"

"Do what?" I had no idea.

“How long was I out?”

“2 minutes or so.”

"That’s terrific! What were you talking about?"

"Hmm, about Russia, basically."

"What exactly? I need it word for word. Can you recall what you said in more detail?"

"I hate to say it, Mr. President. But when I recognized you, I launched the recorder on my phone just in case. I guess we have everything."

"Beautiful classy job, son! Could you send it to me?"

Everything? Even my shame? I felt horrible. Mr. Trump noticed my hesitation.

"I'll give you 3 wishes. I'm serious. Everything you want."

Wait! Was I daydreaming? 5 minutes ago, he'd paid no attention to me. I still had no idea, but I could take advantage of that.

"$10 million cash, tax-free, in my Bahamas bank account."

"Done."

"An American passport with dual citizenship."

"Done. What else? Be smart!"

"Let me think..."

"Hurry up, Gregory. 10 floors left!"

What should it be? A mansion in Beverly Hills? A brand new Rolls-Royce? Renegotiate the U.S.-Russian Agreements? World peace?

"Come on!!!"

"Gotcha! We take a selfie together, and you post a tweet on your Twitter account and tag me, so that everyone can see it."

"Come here. Say wiiiin."

I sent a file and my personal data at the exact moment the doors slid open. The crowd cheered the President, swallowed him and swept away. I picked up a card from the floor.

"Hey, Mr. President, you dropped something!"

Hopeless. He wouldn't hear me. I was still wondering why he was so kind to me.

I turned over the card. It read 'Proven Treatment for Insomnia."

[ring ring]
1 new message received!
From: UBS Bahamas Ltd
Message: Great News! The Trump Organization has sent you $1,234,749 USD. In order to accept it, visit ...

 

Зачет. Но есть лучший вариант. Встретиться в лифте с Джессикой Альбой или Скарлетт Йоханссон

 

Так потому что они не особо эффективны. Если взять пример с "перевести телефон/комп" то достаточно быстро привыкаешь и вообще не замечаешь что оно на английском, просто знаешь куда надо тыкнуть для получения нужного результата. На обучение языку вообще никак не влияет.
Просто смотреть интересные видосики на английском тоже не особо помогает. Уже достаточно давно подписан на интересные для себя забугорные каналы на ютубе и в английском не прибавил. Хотя наверно лучше на слух стал речь понимать.
Заниматся по приложеньке в очереди, в дороге ... ну возможно, если реально интересные материалы, но тут еще надо вспомнить что можно приложеньку потыкать

Может конечно я не те материалы подбирал или не те приложеньки клацал, но толку от такого "ленивого" обучения не особо.
И я буду только рад если в вашем материале будет информация как сделать так что бы это все реально работало на практике, а не в теории.

А так хочется )

 

Я не знаю, как может быть неэффективным чтение книги. Или прослушивание подкаста)

Другое дело, что хочется результата быстро. А изучение языка - это ДОФИГА длинный процесс. И я это в курсе подчеркиваю. Это самая большая ошибка, на мой взгляд, которые делают обучающиеся.
Ожидают получить за 50 часов то, что достигается за тысячи. Маркетинговая мишура этому очень способствует.

Научится неплохо говорить на бытовые темы, можно относительно быстро. 3-6 месяцев интенсивных занятий.
Научиться говорить свободно о чем, угодно. Понимать досконально художественную литературу. Понимать фильмы, сериалы на слух. Писать профессионально. Это все другого уровня задачи и требуют намного больше времени.

Мой выход следующий. Сам процесс обучения сделать интересным и ценным для себя. На английском можно найти все. Читать и слушать не ради английского. А ради самого контента. Английский, наверно, - единственный язык, который это позволяет в полной мере.

И перестать оглядываться на свой уровень. Чем дальше, чем медленнее он растет. Почти незаметно. Скачков и прорывов, скорее всего, не будет уже.

 

Скажите, пожалуйста. Если вы смотрите ютуб (я надеюсь, не каналы про английский язык?) и неплохо его понимаете, то какие цели-то сейчас ставите? Понимать ютуб - это уже неплохой уровень.

Какого вы ждете результата? В чем он должен заключаться?

 

Скарлетт - опасная. Спасибо, я лучше пешком

 

@Григорий-Азиз, ты сам пишешь вот те тексты на english что в топике приведены выше или нет? Если сам, то сколько сам потратил времени на выход до этого? какая у тебя базовая подготовка иностранного(школа институт)? И правильно тебя понимаю, что на такой уровень придётся потратить

часов минимум?

Твой уровень сейчас это свободно говоришь, понимаешь, читаешь и пишешь на английском, правильно?

 

Не, не каналы про английский. А чего в них плохого ?)
И я не говорил что я неплохо его понимаю. Я часть понимаю, часть догадываюсь по видеоряду ) Чето вообще очень слабо понимаю.
Если бы я нормально понимал ютуб я бы не интересовался обучением английского.

Вот к нему и стремлюсь, ток меня не столько ютуб интересует, сколько нужные мне зарубежные курсы.

Интересный вопрос. Ну если чему то обучаешься то ожидаешь улучшения в этом, верно?
Так вот, те банальные советы о которых я писал этому не способствуют, ну или достаточно слабо.

 

11. Произношение
​

 

австралийцы глотают p, Американцы, вообще, ее игнорируют. А всех иностранцев бесит щ, ы, ж, ь и ю